we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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