I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
