doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
