he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk