he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS