1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.