Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.