I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.