U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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