I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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