We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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