mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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