she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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