Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
