I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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