Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
