Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
