he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
