fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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