Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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