There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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