Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
In America we eat man semen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
