pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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