he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
