the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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