i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
