OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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