Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
