You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
that may or may not have been my penis.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
