oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
