what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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