next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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