my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
