It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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