If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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