Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
