he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
