I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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