you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
