there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
whose parrot is this?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
