yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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