I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
