Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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