you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
