my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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