I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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