Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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