my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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