im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
