a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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