you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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