I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
