he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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