you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can I color on your dick again?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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