in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
