dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
