my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
