He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
