if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
