Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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