What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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